Sunday, December 29th, 2013

And in that moment, she realized she was following empty promises. Everyday that passed, the urge was bigger and her pain was worse. How dangerous it became when she understood she didn't have a reason not do it anymore.

Saturday, December 28th, 2013

The struggle against the the Night will never end. She knows your secrets and owes your demons. She'll take you by the hand and you won't fight, you'll follow her path obediently. She'll consume and she'll blind you. The Night reveals the darkest corners of your pain and hides every glimpse of light, happiness, hope.
Fight the Night but she never dies. She only rests, to get bigger and stronger. Live every day fearing, knowing you're fighting a war already lost. She'll come for you and she won't give up until you're nothing but drowned eyes and painted wrists.

Thursday, December 26th, 2013

Don't believe in what someone tells you, believe in what they tell themselves. Believe in their inner thoughts, believe in what they smudge on a notebook late at night, believe inv what they write when they think no one will read, believe in what they write when their eyes are drowning in tears and their hearts racing. Don't believe the pretty pages they hand you, believe in the ones they hide away.

Wednesday, December 25th, 2013

Dear mom and dad,
Remember the first time my brother pulled my hair and I cried? You did nothing. Remember the fist time he called me ugly and said I was dumb and didn't do anything right? I cried myself to sleep and you did nothing. Remember the first time he made fun of me? The first time he pushed me? The first time he beat me up? I was twelve. He was so much bigger than me. I couldn't defend myself. And yet you did nothing. Remember the Christmas night he treated me so badly I left the table crying my eyes out? You chased after me and said I ruined everything, I ruined Christmas, that it was all my fault, that I deserved it, to stop being a baby.
Everytime he hurt me, everytime he made me cry, you overlooked. Don't you dare to say we're the same. I never touched him, I never hurt him, I never made him cry, I never made him hate himself. That's when I realized. You're worse than him. You are the poison that created him.
Love,
The one you never stood up for
The selfish
The ungrateful
The bruised
The broken
Your daughter.

Tuesday, December 24th, 2013

It's weird how the people who make you promise to stop are usually the ones who give you more reasons to do it. It's like putting you at the top of a building and not letting you jump. It's like handing you a bottle of pills and not letting you take them. It's like putting a blade between your fingers and not letting you cut yourself.

Friday, December 20th, 2013

"Every long lost dream led me to where you are,

Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

Let God bless the broken road

That led me straight to you."

You know you've found the right person when you understand that all the pain you had to go through was so you could find them and you find it worth it.

Tuesday, December 17th, 2013

A bed. It could mean so much.  It's where we sleep. Where we dream. Where we muffle our screams in the darkness. Where we wipe away the tears we don't want no one to know about. It's where we take the person we love and make love to them. Until the person leaves. And we fill the bed with someone else. That person who knows someone else was in that bed. Slept in those sheets. Someone else was in that heart. "I love you" someone else has heard that coming from that mouth. We fill the holes the ones they first loved left unfilled. We warm the beds of what was once a lasting love. We clean the stains of regrets on the sheets. That's all we do. Because someday they'll realize the bed is not filled, not warm, not clean. We are nothing but another space, another cold, another stain. We are nothing. We are the unwanted ones. We are the ones who are only wanted on beds that were once filled and need warmth until they find someone who fits their holes.

Monday, December 16th, 2013

"I'm not good at relationships

I always manage to find the flaws 

sometimes in others

but mostly my own.

I foretell the ending

then go and create the cause

save myself

and end up alone."

Not first, not last, just another.

Sunday, December 15th, 2013

My mind is spinning between imagining you with her, wondering why you lied or thinking of other lies you might have told.

Sunday, December 8th, 2013

"We cry over

Friends we will never have back

People we once loved

Bridges that have been burnt.

But there's a reason

The past is in the past.

You only have so much

Room in your life, 

Save it

For people that deserve it.

Chances are,

If someone's in the past,

They deserve to

Stay there.

-A.M.

Thursday, December 6th, 2013

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
More than once or twice.
But I've stopped.
Forgive me for I have cut.
More than once or twice.
But I've stopped.

Forgive me for I have bled. 

More than once or twice.
But I've stopped.

Forgive me for I have hurt.

More than once or twice.
But I've stopped.

Forgive me for I have cried.

More than once or twice.
But I've stopped.

You know I have sinned, cut, bled, hurt and cried. 

Forgive me father, for, even in this text, I've told a lie.
Marybe four or five. 

Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

Four nights in a row. Drowning my eyes in tears, crying myself to sleep, muffling my screams with my pillow.

My head's cracking, my eyes are burning, my throat's hurting. Not another day, hour, minute. I can't handle this anymore. 

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

You made me throw my blades away so I hate you. You made me promise not to do it again so I hate you. You made me stop so I wouldn't hurt you so I hate you. I hate you. Yet, I threw them away, yet I promised, yet I stopped. Because I love you. I hate you because I love you.