The things I could never say to you:
I wish you didn't love me. I wish you hated me. I wish you would break up with me and never talk to me again. It's what I deserve. Loneliness. I don't deserve you coming to my house in the middle of the night after I just broke up with you. I don't deserve you kissing me after I told you I want us to just be friends. I don't deserve you to hold me tight after I told you I don't want to be here. I don't deserve a "I love you" after I say I don't want to talk to you. I deserve to be left alone in my room slitting my wrists and swallowing pills. That's what I wish and dream about.
"I love you." Please don't.
Sunday, January 19th, 2014
I lied. Of course you're right for me, you're perfect for me. You're my soulmate, but I'm not yours. You fit my every hole, but I leave some of yours unfilled. I must go, but you must live. My sweet perfect love, you brought me happiness I cannot keep but I hope you can always the remember the taste of my lips.
Thursday, January 16th, 2014
I must cut,
I must burn,
I must bleed,
I must hurt.
I must cut,
I must cry,
I must hurt,
I must die.
Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
He would always say goodnight.
She would always answer goodbye.
He never understood why,
Until the day he said good morning,
And got no reply.
She would always answer goodbye.
He never understood why,
Until the day he said good morning,
And got no reply.
Monday, January 6th, 2014
I wanted to cut myself so I drew lines on my arm. I drew them as thick and deep as I wanted the cuts to rest on my skin. I chose to let them stare at me for hours, teasing my coward mind who cringes at the thought of a blade. So I scrubbled them away and replaced them with my warm red friends.
Sunday, January 5th, 2014
"Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acid stains you,
Drugs cause cramps,
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful,
You might as well live."
Saturday, January 4th, 2014
Don't treat me like I'm sick.
Don't treat me like I'm dying.
Don't look at me like that.
Don't look at me like you think I'll slit my wrists if you look away.
Like I'll swallow a bottle of pills if you turn your back.
Like I'll hang myself if you leave me alone.
I can breathe and I can talk.
I can stand and I can walk.
You can't kill the disease that lives inside my mind.
You can't force me to get better.
Don't lock me away without a sharp friend.
Don't hold me down without a poisonous enemy.
Don't remind me that I can't cut and that I can't die.
I've wrote that on my skin a thousand times.
Heal my scars and fix my skin.
Wait until it cracks again.
Wait until the disease wins.
Don't treat me like I'm dying.
Don't look at me like that.
Don't look at me like you think I'll slit my wrists if you look away.
Like I'll swallow a bottle of pills if you turn your back.
Like I'll hang myself if you leave me alone.
I can breathe and I can talk.
I can stand and I can walk.
You can't kill the disease that lives inside my mind.
You can't force me to get better.
Don't lock me away without a sharp friend.
Don't hold me down without a poisonous enemy.
Don't remind me that I can't cut and that I can't die.
I've wrote that on my skin a thousand times.
Heal my scars and fix my skin.
Wait until it cracks again.
Wait until the disease wins.
Friday, January 3rd, 2014
"And it has been
One hell of a year.
I have worn the seasons
under my sleeves,
on my thighs,
running down my cheeks.
This is what surviving
looks like, my dear."
Michelle K.
Wednesday, January 1st, 2014
"The second we are born, we start dying. So this is not life, this is death."
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